Turning a corner...maybe...possibly...hopefully

So, if you've been keeping up with my blog, you know that I have a particular student (we'll call her student X) who has difficulties seeing past her own wants and doesn't see the role she plays in the classroom disagreements that she is part of. Well, today she may have reached that tipping point of realization that she is soon going to have no girl classmates that she can look to and call friends if she doesn't start making some honest changes. It may have taken the entire year, with a tremendous amount of frustration, but I think she is finally aware that the girls have reached their breaking point and they are keeping her accountable for her actions.

This morning, a couple of the girls (we'll call them A and B) brought it to my attention that X used A's computer to get her way back onto a shared Google project that B had "removed" X from due to how she was treating some of the other girls (we'll call them C and D, whom I'm fairly certain X is jealous of due to their popularity with the other students). Additionally, student A was being regularly asked to share her snack with X, and A didn't want to say no out of fear of X being mean to her. Student A could quite possibly be described as the kindest girl in my class without a mean bone in her body. Now, X was beginning to be rather rude to A and B for being removed from the shared document (she wasn't actually made aware of why she was removed), so A, B, and X asked me to mediate their problem solving during lunch recess. However, X was having some difficulties during morning recess, so she joined me part way through that recess, and that gave me the perfect opportunity to "prep" her for our lunchtime discussion. I pretty much laid it out for her the same discussion that we had time and time again: while she may not want to realize it, she has treated her classmates unkindly, others are seeing it, and they are remembering it. X couldn't see past the current situation with the computer to the big picture of her past, so I explained that she was being "passed over" as a friend by B (and soon to be A, if she wasn't careful) for the friendship of C and D. I think this struck a chord with X, as I'm pretty sure she realizes that A might be her last hope of friendship in this class, and she got teary-eyed. It wasn't what she wanted to hear, and she was stubborn about it with me, but I couldn't sugar-coat it for her. I brought it back to one of the same things I always say to her when it came to her friendship issues--if you want my help with this, then it's going to take hard work on your part, and you actually have to listen. This time (FINALLY) she said she wanted my help and would do what I said! So, as planned, I met with A, B, and X at lunch, helped clear the air on the computer and snack issues, and...wait for it...actually got to hear X say, "I'm sorry." AND IT SEEMED AS THOUGH SHE REALLY MEANT IT (because you know how most of the time is very easy to tell that they don't actually mean it)! When it was all said and done, X and I had a one-on-one conversation to follow up. We talked about broken relationships and bent relationships: her relationships with B, C, and D are very close to broken (if not already there, and A is pretty bent; if she really wants a friendship with A, who is closer friends with B, C, and D, then she is going to need to be respectful to B, C, and D. Because A is going to be watching, and she won't hesitate to choose B, C, and D with everything that has already happened. X said she would do her best.  We'll see what tomorrow brings...

Mindfulness thought for the week: A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees.  --Father Faber